Torn

Today I went to meet my new friend Daniel, the photographer who just kinda introduced himself on the subway on Saturday, it was lovely He’s a very nice n gentle fellow, he showed me around his endz n treated me to a lovely lovely beer, which came from a tap, that came out the wall, I liked it, a lot! We talked and talked and talked, it was nice to have someone who enjoys a chat as much as I do and I instantly felt comfortable with him, in that older brother kind of way…

So anyway, it was so nice and to have finally met someone I know I will always call a friend is kinda special, especially being so far from home and missing my friends so much. I felt really torn as to what to do, kinda felt a real draw to stay here and just not go back to London, i’d been expecting it to happen and it actually did, i’ve totally fallen in love with New York and meeting Daniel just emphasised the fact that there are friends to be made here and so many more things to discover….It’s such a vibrant city and the people are so open, it’s kind of contagious, I don’t feel shy here, for the first time in ages I feel free of my shyness and it feels amazing… Tomorrow this shyness will be put to the test when I go and do my modelling thing, i’m excited tho and think it’ll be one of those moments that I look back on and smile about with fondness.

Check my ‘looking back with fondness’ grin…

I miss the smell of Louis’ breath (my cat) I miss Tez making weird groany noises and keeping me awake (dog) I miss laughing with my friends, looking at them all in admiration of how gorgeous they all are to me, I miss my nans, I miss Lozza & Pierre, I miss Eastenders, I miss my bed, I miss it all and some and I know it’s nearly time to come home but I also know that I will be missing New York as soon as I leave…

Just havin one of those ‘how wonderful the world is’ moments and wishing that everyone I love could be here or feel the same right now…

one of these moments…

x

4 new friends in 24 hours

I’ve had the loveliest day today, got up early to watch the sunrise on the roof, bladdy gorgeous it was, n then I headed to the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens…

On my way there I got on the wrong train n had to do a bit of a detour, so there I am, sat on this train, in a world of my own, n this guy comes over, massive camera round his neck… ‘He’s gonna ask to take a photo of my tattoo’s’ I thought to myself, semi afraid, the shorts jumpsuit get’s all these photo types excited cos I look so damn good in it haaaaaaaa. So first off – ‘are u a model?’ pahahahahaha! He was good, he obviously thought he could charm me this way… ‘no, definitely not’ I replied… ‘oh my god ur english’ came next… Turns out he’s a photography lecturer n he wanted to invite me to a cemetery where he and some of his pupils were gonna be shooting next week, he said he would pay for my time n that it would only take 2/3 hours n then he would happily be my tour guide for the day…I thought he was havin me on but sure enough he produced his card n i’ve checked his website n it all adds up… He also said that he would love to photograph me in his studio cos he thought I was, wait for it, ‘incredibly stunning’ I was blushing like a weirdo by this point n told him that I was very flattered but had no modelling experience and wasn’t too sure I had anything suitable to wear… ‘I will pay you of course’ was next, hmmmmmm I was thinking of how I could spend the money n just thought why not so I agreed n we swapped details… Slag dun got spotted on the subway ahahahahahahaha.

So next I met a girl at the botanical gardens who wants to interview me for a documentary she’s making about tattoos, she’s Italian and fiercely cool, so obv I agreed to that aswell…

I don’t know whether it’s the sunshine, my jumpsuit or my new jordans but I was on fire today, mans all over the place wantin a piece… I decided to go eat some Mexican food n sit read my book for a bit… Whilst doing this a boy came over n said his ‘homeboy’ wanted to talk to me… ‘I’m about to eat my dinner’ I replied – ‘oh my…’ ‘yes i’m english, tell him to come over if he really wants to talk to me’… Over comes Peter, he’s cute enough, not my type but very sweet n well presented… ‘I think i’ve fallen in love with you, straight up, let’s get married boo’… I was feelin cheeky so I said that marriage was out of the question as I was promised to somebody else but we could be friends n he could show me where the good parties were at he seemed pretty happy with that so we swapped numbers n he’s been on my case ever since… He wanted to take me to a ‘sickass party up town to shake some grinds n pop some bottles’ I was actually going to go but I decided against it cos I don’t want him thinkin i’m a hussy or anythin, I suggested he take me on a tour of Brooklyn tomorrow instead so there we have it, another new friend!!!!!

Then I took this photo, which is one of my favourites so far, I had to put my hand in through some fencing n very nearly dropped my camera, but yeh, worth it…

So that’s 3 new friends… n then on my walk home I stopped by the local deli to get some reeses n made ANOTHER friend, he insisted that I let him take me for a drink, right there n then… He’s called Tyrone, probably a crackhead, but one who actually lives somewhere, he’s about 4ft 10, gold teeth, leather trousers n matching leather cap, solid handshake… I said that I would see him around as this was my local deli, he promised that he would wait there til i came back, whether it was later, tomorrow or even next week, the charm was overwhelming so I agreed n tootled off, I nearly skipped….

4 new friends in 24 hours – YES!

It’s a tough life here in NYC

Slag Anthem

shakin my hips to this right now – I am definitely not a hippy!

The lyrics are worth a peep, trust me, big words!

From yuh neva lie wid annada man inna bed
(Tell dem mi seh Nuttin no go so)
And yuh neva sex a gal when she unda code red
(Tell dem mi seh Nuttin no go so)
And yuh neva build yuh shoulda muscle wid yuh third leg
(Tell dem mi seh Nuttin no go so)
No gal neva kiss yuh mouth aft she done give yuh head
(Tell dem mi seh Nuttin no go so)

Well inna bed whe man and woman shoulda hug and caress
So fyah bun de people whe deh wid the same sex
No matter how yuh horny and no matter how yuh des
No gal nuh fee use yuh cackie as no kotex
[Much less fi have yuh tun fi check yuh hand fi get a pix
Dem only shoulda bupup when yuh afi tek a pis]
An you no wan no gal fi come an kiss yuh pun yuh lips
Afta she tongue dida deh below your hips

No yuh neva sell your friend fi save yuhself from di feds
(Tell dem mi seh Nuttin no go so)
And wha yuh buss nah full a rat it full a coppa and lead
(Tell dem mi seh Nuttin no go so)
[No boy neva mek ya skirf whe you rest yuh head
(Tell dem mi seh Nuttin no go so)
And dem neva force yuh fi join no gang and pledge
(Tell dem mi seh Nuttin no go so)

Well from yuh neva inform, mek no price pun yuh head,
Yuh friend dem nah vex wid yuh and want yuh dead
Yuh nah waste out yuh chance fi paint di town red,
Cause when yuh buss it up, a fi mek Babylon fled
Yuh have yuh owna mind and you nah quick fi follow Fred,
Fi go wear a color kerchief and tie up yuh head
Yuh guard fi yuh yard cause a deh so you wid dead
And dem cyan run yuh from whe yuh born and bred

You a born ganja man and yuh a no coke head
(Tell dem mi seh Nuttin no go so)
Yuh never buy a bag a sercy and take a long spread
(Tell dem mi seh Nuttin no go so)
And yuh nuh smoke weed fi joke, a fi get all yuh med
(Tell dem mi seh Nuttin no go so)
And uh respect rasta livety yuh nah dis no dread
Tell dem salasie I know!

Well from yuh neva put no cocaine inna yuh cigarette,
Before, you woulda prefer smoke 10 pound o cess
And when yuh tek a baga weed yuh naffi second guess
Whether if a bush tea or ganja leaf or something less
You smoke it fi a purpose and u smoke it through yuh breast
Fi penetrate and meditate and leviate the stress
[] remedy fi year and it no have no contest
mi wouldnt mek yuh transgress or disrespect

Yuh punanny hole nuh bigger than a basin keg
(Tell dem mi seh Nuttin no go so)
And yuh nuh shape crooky like the alphabet letter zed
(Tell dem mi seh Nuttin no go so)
Dem nuh call yuh no pigeon, nor no chicken head
(Tell dem mi seh Nuttin no go so)
And dee man yuh deh wit him nah beat yuh like egg
(Tell dem mi seh Nuttin no go so)

Yuh no stay like some gal whe run dem own red
Yuh naffi fo no taebo nor join jenny craig
Di pikni at yuh yard yuh keep dem well fed
Yuh neva go ova Dorothy and beg piece a bread
Yuh man buy yuh close and you nuh give di man head
And you no have [no white turnippy no] boyfriend
And you no nyam no fowl pill fi fat like a hen
Cause yuh inna beauty no man cyan condemn

You a born ganja man and yuh a no coke head
(Tell dem mi seh Nuttin no go so)
Yuh never buy a bag a sercy and take a long spread
(Tell dem mi seh Nuttin no go so)
And yuh nuh smoke weed fi joke, a fi get all yuh med
(Tell dem mi seh Nuttin no go so)
And uh respect rasta livety yuh nah dis no dread
Tell dem salasie I know!

From yuh neva lie wid annada man inna bed
(Tell dem mi seh Nuttin no go so)
And yuh neva sex a gal when she unda code red
(Tell dem mi seh Nuttin no go so)
And yuh neva build yuh shoulda muscle wid yuh third leg
(Tell dem mi seh Nuttin no go so)
No gal neva kiss yuh mouth aft she done give yuh head
(Tell dem mi seh Nuttin no go so)

No yuh neva sell your friend fi save yuhself from di feds
(Tell dem mi seh Nuttin no go so)
And wha yuh buss nah full a rat it full a coppa and lead
(Tell dem mi seh Nuttin no go so)
[No boy neva mek ya skirf whe you rest yuh head]
(Tell dem mi seh Nuttin no go so)
And dem neva force yuh fi join no gang and pledge
(Tell dem mi seh Nuttin no go so)

These Days

Had a mental evenin… Just cotchin now n listenin to some music… this came on my random shuffle thingy, I wish i’d written this song so much, it’s by Jackson Browne n I actually prefer his version to the Nico one that came on shuffle, everyone seems to think she wrote it, she didn’t, but she was fuckin cool

Went to the Spring dance at the Jewish home for the elderly on the upper west side this evening… It was so amazing, can’t even begin to explain, I wasn’t allowed to take pictures or film or anything, I was a bit gutted but I understood that it was a private thing… All the old peeps were in wheelchairs, except for one guy – Alfie, he was on his zimmer bustin out country moves to salsa n jive, he ruled, big time!!! The idea of bein a volunteer was to ask the peeps if they wanted to dance and show them a good time, they were all in a line around this lovely ballroom so it was well cute, I danced with at least 10 of em, the dancing wasn’t average cos they were in wheelchairs so I span them round n stuff, made em feel special… they loved my accent of course n i promised to send my regards to the Queen… It was beyond emotional for me, as I knelt down to speak to this one old lady, Josie, her hair smelt just like my little nans hair n I burst into tears like an idiot, had to go have a moment, god i’m such a wet fish when it comes to the olds… I wanted to take them all home n look after them, make them cups of tea, hug them and make sure they have lovely slippers to wear at all times…I feel so lucky to have been able to be part of tonight, it really meant a lot to me and it’s something that I’ll never forget so I know I don’t have photos or videos or anything but I didn’t really need em afterall All u bumbas should go n do some volunteering, if u don’t like olds then there’s always kids, n if u don’t like people then there’s always animals & nature n if u don’t like any of them then do not read my blog anymore n do 1 in every possible way that u can do 1!!!

I won’t go on about the crackhead that followed me for 10 blocks calling me Lola – NYC is the best & the worst at the same time – LOVE IT!

Whilst waiting for the G train on my way home tonight there was a guy playin the accordion, he was playings songs from Amelie, it was soooooooo lovely, made me miss all my nearest n dearest a lot n made me want to take them all to the south of France to drink wine, smoke bifftas, eat cheese and dance around lavender fields to accordion music…I fear I might be turning into a bit of a hippy, in fact nah, course I aint, Sean Paul has just come on random, hippies do not listen to Sean Paul, i’m still a slag!

Kisses!

I want some kisses!!! I snogged a Mexican boy last week, me n Sanj were totally wasted n had no idea how to stand up, let alone get home so this boy took it upon himself to help us home. He was very sweet, not sure what he looked like n I reckon he was about 18 but I felt like I had to snog him, as a thank you for getting us back safely, u know how it goes sometimes… It was a nice snog, I think, but it wasn’t with the boy that I wanted to be kissing… I feel bad for kissing the Mexican boy in a way cos I had decided not to just snog people I don’t fancy anymore, was saving myself for that special someone but I guess at least my last snog isn’t Sanj anymore, having your last snog with a ragin homo is not a good look…

I have been saving my kisses for this certain boy I have the hots for so he best be ready…

I wrote a lil poem today about kisses – here it is…

kiss me on my lips

kiss me on my cheek

kiss me on my hips

kiss me on my feet

kiss me on my chest

kiss me on my head

kisses from u are the best

now please come back to bed

Queens is not full of Queens

The journey across New York continues, today has been a scorcher, not a cloud in sight but I decided to spend quite a lot of the day in a warehouse in Queens sorting through clothes… My housemate Gary volunteers at this charity place n they’ve just handed him the golden ticket, entry into the sorting warehouse n good old Gary shared the goodness with me, he’s a gem I tell ya…

All the men working there were Mexican, heavily tattooed n pretty much dreams come true, so not only was i sifting through garms that were cheap as chips but I had some good eye candy to keep me company too New York just gets better & better, totally in love with Queens, hoped to find LL but it didn’t happen this time… Went to a mega cute diner for lunch n then headed home on the G train… I have a love/hate relationship with the G train already… I love it cos it has the biggest freaks on ever and i hate it cos it’s the most unreliable line n it’s the one i have to take to get home, so it tends to long things out somewhat…

I am in love with my heart tooth cap, so gangster these days, i might have to get another one, just cos i much prefer even numbers n symmetry  and cos i don’t know how to stop spending money…

It’s all about the bandanas too, full on pimp steez!!! I can’t stop buying trainers, i know my credit card luck is soon to run out n i’m nowhere near done, lord a mercy!!!

So tomorrow i’m goin to the Brooklyn Botanical gardens with some old school weed spliffs (ready rolled of course) my camera, some iced tea and my notepad, might even wear shorts, that’s how i’m livin.

Sad to hear about Guru slippin away today, been reliving some Gangstarr – sickness…

Sooooo it’s off to bed for me, another hot day in the city predicted for the morrow, wish all my loved ones were here to see how beautiful life can be xx

Will I ever learn?

Dreams are funny things, like sometimes they are nice n you wake up happy n sometimes they are nice and you wake up sad!!! Today is one of those days where i’ve woken up sad, even tho my dream was nice… I won’t bore you with the details but let’s just say that in my dream things were how they used to be a few years ago and I was hopelessly in love, it was like the sun was shining in my heart again n then sure enough i woke up needing to go to the toilet, seems it was just wind I realised that it’s been quite a while since I woke up sad, so this is a good thing i guess… I miss him STILL! Will it ever go away??? This feeling I mean… I thought I was getting there but it seems i’m just getting better at hiding away from it. I need to start sprinting away from it cos my heart is heavy and I need to break free, i’m such a sucker for all this ‘love’ stuff – will I ever learn?

What a week!

So it’s been a busy week, Sanj has been here since last friday and therefore I haven’t had time to update the happenings…

I kinda wish i’d written something everyday cos now i’m finding it hard to remember exactly what’s happened, it’s definitely involved booze, subways (renamed Subrina), gays, sunshine, shopping and plenty of freaks…

Sanj was supposed to go home today but because of this volcano in Iceland it’s all over, he might not be able to fly til Wednesday, we’re both mega low on funds so looks like we’ll be pimping ourselves out from now on, girls need to eat ainit!!!

Couple of favourite memories i wanna put down so i remember them…

1. Sanj arriving through the gates!

2. IHOP

3. The Cock

4. Central Park meal

5. Sanj’s face @ Times Square

6. Mexican Trannies

7. The Grudge.

8. Seb

9. Best sandwich in the world

10. Wolverine the lot

A poem i wrote, a happy one at last, in a way!

The day that the light came back on.

I hadn’t noticed how long it had been,

I even missed him in my dreams.

I spent every day thinking of him

& sat in the dark, not letting light in.

I heard music but I didn’t really listen,

I cried so much that my chest would glisten…

I wasted my time, as if I had plenty

& began to think that the glass was half empty.

I eventually opened the curtains & it was spring.

I made a decision to change a few things!

I put on my favourite shade of lipstick

& glued my heart on my sleeve with Pritt Stick.

I looked in the mirror for what seemed like a week,

I then found my voice and started to speak…

I finally admitted to myself that he was gone

& that was the day that the light came back on.

Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups

I can’t stop eating!!!!!!!!! It’s really quite bad, it’s impossible to go into a deli or a store of any kind and not buy at least 1 pack of Reese’s peanut butter cups!

I got cocky in the sunshine today and got burnt, lookin like a ripe tomato on the top n pale as ever on the bottom, tomorrow i will wear shorts and a polo neck, not that i own any polo necks but summat that covers my chest, oh actually i don’t have ANY top that covers my chest – slut attire is all i have maybe i will angle myself in the shade somehow…

Today was all about not making it to the post office in time…and realising how expensive it will be to send my 22 letters, not deterred tho, i’m gonna do the most obvious thing to me, send em all in a parcel to my mom n then get her to send em… So if u receive a letter/card from me with a Walsall post mark then I am really in New York n not in Walsall, trust!!! Lorraine (mom) will save the day i just know she will…

I made some friends today, kind of, some boys, i even played basketball for a bit, until i realised that they were staring at my tits everytime i moved in a running type fashion, i wasn’t quite dressed for sport so i made my excuses n left em to it. I did get a blast off a very tasty blunt tho and a hug, albeit a sweaty, unwanted one…They wanted me to get a photo with em but again i had left my camera on my bed – idiot!!! They insisted that i tell everybody in the UK that i was playing basketball where Jay-Z used to play, they then asked me if i could say ‘ that’s very charming sir’ hahahaha

Anyway i’m just cotched up in my room blarin some uk garage haha, u can take the girl outta Bloxwich but erm yeh…

Tomorrow i go to play bingo with some old folk, shall remember my camera this time, in fact i’m putting it in my bag right now – DONE!

Sanj arrives on Friday, then the real debauchery can begin. Bare Back The Fuckin Lot!

2 multiplied by 10 plus 1, Farouz done x